Catch Me?
by Glowfish36
Summary: I'm taking you back in time, back to Severus Snape's fifth year at Hogwarts. That's the year he chose his path, the year he joined the Death Eaters, and the year he threw his life away.
1. I've chosen

**Hello, my favorite people on the entire planet!!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Snapey-Poo, I do not own Harry Pot-Pot, and I don't own any of these characters. On the other hand, most of these ideas, are indeed mine. clears throat MUAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!**

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I feel dazed. My head is filled with wool, roughly churning away, filling my nose and my throat. For some odd reason, I feel betrayed, as though everyone is plotting against me. The worst part is no one even bothers to notice the change in my personality, not after I called Lily a…_mudblood_. I'm shivering too, and I don't even know why; I'm not cold. But now I'm angry too, and the more I think about it, the angrier I get.

I remember it all, exactly the way I always do. It's a curse. I've always had a brilliant memory; it used to astonish everyone, but now, there is no one left who cares. My black eyes follow the ripples of the water on the large lake before me. I shift my legs from their cramped position, as I once more try to get comfortable under my favorite tree. The black night drifts uncomfortably around me as the swift wind ruffles the large willow tree beside me.

My head is clearing, but that's normal for me. Every time I feel the anger coursing through me, every time I feel the pain and frustration hitting me from every side, every time…it all disappears. I swallow bitterly as my cursed memory reminds me of the way they laugh at me, the way they _always_ laugh and scorn.

I can't help the fact I hate James Potter. I can't help the fact I hate my father. I can't help the fact I hate how Lily can read me, like an open book. I can't help the fact that I am who I am. And sometimes, I can't help the fact that I hate my life.

"James Potter," I mutter angrily. He's the bane of my existence. Every day, every time our paths cross, I lose what little is left of my dignity. Every time, I feel utterly lost and weak as he laughs at me. He's always laughing at me, always standing over me, always better. I stand like a complete and utter fool in front of him, listening to his taunts and his cold laugh as it envelops me in shame. I hate him.

I stand up emotionlessly and straighten my limp Slytherin tie. A sudden whisper of the wind lifts my light robes, but I ignore it. It's so simple to ignore things and pretend they don't exist, but tonight…

My black eyes glance fearfully at the wide full moon. Tonight, it's so much harder.

I can't help feeling as though I've lost all control over my life, and James Potter reminds me of that, every single day. Lily? I'd rather not think of her…

Lucius has given me a chance to gain control over my life, but I have to choose. I don't think anyone can ever give me a harder choice. My feet are slowly making their way, seemingly without my control, down the little winding road that will lead me outside of Hogwarts boundaries.

"This is my choice." I keep repeating to myself. _It's my choice_. I want to be in control.

I glance back at Hogwarts, but for now, I think I've nearly decided. My eyes gently run over the brown barrier that lies in front of me. Then, I think of _him _again. His eyes are brown, just like the crooked barrier. I remember the color of his eyes very well, just like everything else.

I specifically remember staring at his cold brown eyes as I lay on the ground, still dazed from the spell James Potter had used on me. His wide brown eyes were laughing, his shoulders were shaking, his mouth had joined in, and he couldn't care less about me as he swung around and marched off, still laughing.

I tear my eyes angrily away from the run-down gate and slam it open with all my force. It swings around wildly and strikes the metal barrier on the other side with a sickening sound.

Nothing can stop me now.

I stride forward as my anger siphons off into the cool night air. I look around the dimly lit path circled with trees. I've reached my destination.

I let out a sharp breath as Lucius slides out from the shadows.

"Severus." My name slithers out from between his teeth. I hate how he can so easily ridicule and manipulate it, the one thing that is truly mine. But he's still speaking; I need to listen.

"You've chosen well. I'm here to bring you to our Lord." Lucius smirks in a way that makes me shiver in fear. Was it the right choice?

The corners of my mouth rise ever so slightly, then my thin smile fades. What about Lily? Immediately, when I think of her, James Potter appears in my mind as well. I can't stand James Potter, the way he talks, the way he walks, the way he flicks his hair about, and _I can't stand the way he laughs at me. _

In that short moment, I decide I don't care whether I've made a good decision or not. All I know is that I've had enough of his jeering.

"One day," I murmur under my breath, "One day, I'm going to be the one laughing."

I know my eyes are filled with fire and hate as I look up into Lucius's cold silver eyes and he chuckles dryly, "Lord Voldermort will be pleased."

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And there it is!!

A large thank you to my favorite editor and best friend: greenjelly16...whose, might I add, stories are fabulous. GO READ 'EM!!

So, hopefully everyone kind of understood what the story was about. It was inspired by a fellow fanfiction writer.

I love you, favorite people on earth!

Glowing Hearties for Ever,

Glowy

Signing off.


	2. It's my fault

**Hey!**

**I know I said this story was complete, but the nice reviewers have inspired moi. Have fun reading! Remember, I love reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I not own Harry Pot-pot. OOGA BOOGA!**

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My wavy red curls tumble gently in front of my eyes as I stand in front of the window, my face nearly pressed against it.

Cold tears trail down my cheeks slowly as I watch him, Severus Snape. He is outside, slumped against our willow tree, next to the large grey rock where we used to meet before he...before that day in fifth year...

I peer at the glistening full moon, its rays drifting softly on the black lake.

It's my fault Severus is no longer my friend.

If I had forgiven Severus and helped him, he would still be my friend as he'd always been through thick and thin. I bite my bottom lip, trying to understand why I only stood there criticizing everything he had done. I even believed Potter over him. Severus nearly died and I pushed him away.

It's my fault.

I bury my head in my hands as I cry bitterly.

Along with everything else that I refused to listen to, Severus has been hiding something terrible, and it must have been tearing at him from inside. Tonight, I finally understand what it is; he's been asked to be a Death Eater.

I straighten up tiredly and gently watch my friend. I know what he's planning to do. My small smile is hard and bitter as I quietly murmur, "Everything is my fault."

The warm fire flickers gently behind me in the empty common room, but my eyes never stray from the huddled form all alone in the dark night outside.

I wipe away my latest tears, wishing I hadn't been so stupid, so utterly and completely foolish. I even believed Potter over Severus. Potter doesn't even know anything about Sev.

My eyes widen as I realize that it may not be too late to stop him. If I can reach him in time, if I run faster than I've ever run before, and if I throw myself to his feet begging for him to forgive me, then maybe I can save him.

I don't even bother to pull on a cloak as I skid around the large sofa to smack into Potter, who has just stumbled down the boy's staircase. He quickly adjusts his balance and frowns at me before he grins charmingly, "My dear Lily flower, you're out rather late! How about we head to the kitchens and get some hot chocolate?" He pauses uncertainly, "Better yet, how about I accompany you back to your room?"

I take in a deep breath, my eyes glancing furtively at the portrait hole just inches away, and quickly answer, "I need to go now. I need to save him."

I know Potter doesn't understand what I'm talking about because he immediately glances out the window and slides in front of my path. I continue hurriedly, "Potter, I need to go."

But Potter shrugs and casually runs a hand through his hair, "Glad you finally ditched Snivellus. He's a waste of air."

It seems he's running out of things to talk about. I ignore what he's just said and try to move past him, but he blocks me again, "Potter, get out of my way, now." I need to get past him. I need to save Severus.

Potter grins, a little nervously, "Of course." He doesn't move. "How about you go back to bed instead. It's late."

He must know something. He's trying to do anything to stop me from leaving, but why? Every second I stall here may mean another second too long to get to Severus.

I glare furiously at Potter as he sneers, "At least I won't call you a…mudblood. Snape is nothing but an evil, arrogant, Death Eater."

Those words make me boil. I swing my white hand and smack Potter with all my force. His head swings backwards as he stumbles, a large imprint on his cheek. : "Not yet" I throw the words at his face as hard as I can. His surprise gives me enough time to dodge past him, and I practically burst through the portrait hole. Potter just stands there, staring dumbstruck at my long red hair as I fly from the room.

I don't know if I have gone too far. This is my fault too, but now it's just another thing on the list and I really don't care anymore. I need to save Severus.

As I sprint through the darkened hallways, I can hear my breath hurtling around me, but all of my power and speed is centered on my feet.

My footsteps echo loudly through the empty hallways, but I can only think of Severus.

It's my fault.

I need to tell him I'm sorry. I need to stop him. I need to say sorry. I need to stop him. I need to…I need to…I need to...

I'm nearly there.

I swing past a hallway and skim down the large staircase, jumping the last few steps. I slam my small body through the entry doors and stumble on the steps outside. In a flash, I feel myself fall and hurtle down the rest of the steps, but all I care about is getting to Severus.

When I painfully look up, the hope in my chest dies. I struggle to get up and frantically search for Severus under the willow tree, near the lake, and finally near the forrest. He's gone, and the only thing left is the moon's rays dancing accross the lake.

Where are you?

I open my mouth and try to scream his name, but all I get out is a pitiful little whisper that my own ears can barely catch, "Severus…"

My breath still hasn't calmed down and I don't have enough air to speak properly, but it doesn't matter; I need to get to Severus! I need to, I need to...I need... I stumble forward, my shaky breaths rattling uncomfortably against my chest. A strange feeling of dizziness flitters through my head.

The tears flow continuously down my face as I whisper, "Severus?" The ground doesn't seem to be quite stead and my legs crumple beneath me.

Suddenly as my eyes continue to search for Severus, a warm voice arrives behind me. "Lily? I'm sorry. I've been a git."

But I barely pay attention as an eerie howl splits the calm night. I concentrate on breathing properly as the same voice whispers again, "We need to leave, now."

I shift slightly and look up at his large fearful hazel eyes, "Severus?" My voice sounds like a childs.

His eyes widen as though he's finally understood something, and he mutters, "It doesn't matter."

I try to tell him that it does matter, that it matters ever so much to me. Severus has always been my first real friend, and Potter has no idea what is happening to him right now.

Potter pulls my damp hair from my eyes and whispers, "Snape will be fine."

I try to shake my head and tell him to go look for Severus, to go help Severus, but I'm too tired to speak properly. I also feel a strange urge to thank Potter for being so kind and understanding, but instead, I before I can even try, I gently slump in his arms.

Potter smiles gently at me as my vision blackens and he repeats softly, "I'm sorry, Lily."

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**Potter!! Come back!!**

**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

**runs and smacks into a tree**

**It's over sniff sniff...what am I to do now? Oh, right...write and post the chapters to all my other stories. Errrr, right. You never saw anything**

**Except this: REVIEW!**

**I am invisible to you...OOOOGA BOOGA!**


	3. Invisible to the World

_Mum…? Where are you?_

My eyes stare longingly at my mother's portrait. My shoulders wish for comfort and warmth. My pale shaking hand stretches out towards the worthless copy of Helga Hufflepuff.

A feeling of desperation grips my still heart as my hand just keeps seeping through the painting, and then my entire arm drifts through. But I won't give up. My heart may have stopped beating, but I will never forget. Then almost as quickly I am in the painting. I am in the wall, cold, musty, and dark. It's too dark. I hate the dark.

_Mum, help me!_

I fly from my prison quickly and fall down. But no, I can't touch the ground. I can't fall, I can't feel, I can't love, I am worthless.

A ray of moonlight shines through a window to touch the darkened floor.

Lily's scattered footsteps echo down the hall and I gaze up slowly at the red head. Almost like a blur of fire she speeds towards me.

But I am invisible to the world. It hurts so much… to be invisible.

Lily has become my body. Through my own pitiful desperation I have succumbed to her gentle nature. She has molded me. I am her puppet. And yet she is a puppet too. Lily Evans is a puppet to a prophecy. We are equal.

Her racing feet and flying hair pass right through me and I rise up quickly to follow her. She has become strong. Lily is sweet poison to me. She warms my dead heart and she nourishes my memories.

We are not equal; she has power far beyond mine. I am defenseless when I surrender to her strength, her beauty, and her eyes.

Today I feel unnaturally powerful. Almost alive.

It because of Lily's power.

I can't even bear to hear my own thoughts let alone my new found strength. Emotions are not meant to be felt by a ghost. Maybe emotions aren't meant to be felt by me.

My translucent, child's body soars through the hallways like a swan.

A swan with a black heart.

I can hear Lily's heavy breath and I yearn to have such a gift. For a few precious moments, her breathing becomes mine, her body becomes mine, her soul…nothing can taint her soul. I can't bear to tear my eyes away from the pulsing strings of life.

My childlike hands reach forward towards her soul. I can almost feel the warm blood running through her vains. I draw my shaking hands back to myself.

_What am I doing?_

I can feel ghostly tears rise up in my eyes. They're not real. They're just memories of tears…

_Pitiful._

I can only sigh out a cloud of magical air, leaving it trailing behind me in the hallway. It is my exchange for the gift of her life. The cloudy fog of air dribbles around two children around the corner. They will never hear Lily. The portraits remember nothing. The curious teacher sees nothing.

I have power.

I have power, but not enough, never enough… to breathe...to live.

All too quickly, we reach the outside world. I sink down to Lily's level and watch her frustration, her confusion. I wish I could help her solve her human problems. I wish, but I cannot. I wish, but despite my terrible cowardice, I know what must be done. I know what will happen.

I watch how Lily stumbles forward in hopes of finding a black-haired boy. I watch how her chest heaves up and down. I watch how she tries to fight through the prophecy bonds. I watch how she refuses to give up.

But mostly, I watch the way her long red hair flickers in the wind.

Then our eyes meet for a second, and though she cannot see mine, I see the green.

And the black hole in my heart opens.

_Harry Potter rolled over inside his blankets without waking up. One small hand closed on the letter beside him and he slept on…people were meeting in secret all over the country and were holding up their glasses and saying in hushed voices: 'To Harry Potter-the boy who lived!'…The harder Petunia tried to force Harry into a revolting old jumper of Dudley's, the smaller it seemed to become…Harry crossed his fingers under the table and a second later the hat shouted, 'GRYFFINDOR!'…Quirrel lunged; knocking Harry clean of his feet, landing on top of him, both hands around Harry's neck…they were boarding the Hogwart's express; talking and laughing as the country-side became greener and tidier…People jostled him as he moved forwards towards the gate-way to the Muggle world….Bye, Harry!..See you, Potter!…_

I awakened to the present once more when Lily crumbles to the ground. A disheveled Potter rushes through the doors to her. I sink even lower to the ground and their beauty. They are connected by pulsing threads of magic, by words, and, with any luck, soon by love.

"Severus?"

Out of Lily's blood red lips, a hiss of a name falls. A feeling of desperation slips into my transparent chest. Severus was never mentioned in the prophecy. He does not belong in Lily's heart.

Please let her make the right choice!

_Harry Potter…small and skinny…old clothes, four times as big as himself…round glasses…a very thig scar in the shape of a bolt of lightning…sparkling green eyes._

And finally, in an extreme bout of anxiety:

_Please mum, let me make the right choice!_

My trembling hand passes over Lily's face silently and when I withdraw my hand slowly, Lily Evans slips into a deep sleep, a ghostlike trance.

Lily Evans.

Lily Potter.

James Potter.

Harry Potter.

James Potter rises, carrying Lily like a precious doll. But she is more than just a doll. Lily Evans has become everything to me, and so has her son. James Potter carries Lily up the steps and through the castle doors.

I rise up higher, my heart void of emotion.

Lily Evans doesn't know her future. She doesn't know about the prophecy. And Lily Evans is struggling.

But she is strong, so very strong.

And despite her desires, Lily must remain pure.

She must marry the one the prophecy has chosen.

She must create a son, a son destined to change the path of the world.

Severus Snape has no part in her life. He never has and he never will.

And I? I have no choice in any matter. I cannot help her. I am a ghost. I have no feelings. I can't fall, I can't breathe, I can't touch, I can't live, I can't be seen.

I am worthless.

A flicker of light and I am no longer outside. I spiral into existence near Lily's domain. The air shifts again and I have flitted over to the massive, empty dining hall. And then, I can't keep still. My ghostly apparition follows no path. I jump from one room to another. I follow a turbulent whirlwind.

I am the whirlwind.

No, I am more than that. I am the castle. I am the world. I am the universe.

But in the end, I am nothing.


End file.
